How to Grieve Someone You Only Knew For 30 Minutes As a Nurse
When you have that moment when you’re at work, at the bedside, and someone dies, it can rock your world. Sometimes, we’re at a place in our careers where death becomes more accessible to handle, but what about when you are first starting?
How do you grieve a patient’s loss?
The first thing is to know that no matter how long you were involved in their care, whether it be years or only a few minutes, you are allowed to grieve. Patients come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes, the person in front of you reminds you too much of a loved one or a child. You find the burden of loss hitting harder than ever before. It is expected to be put off by the idea of death. Our culture has made it a taboo topic, making it harder to feel like it’s alright to reach out for information on it.
Secondly, you can grieve in your own way and in your own time. As in life, everything is person-dependent. Some of us find comfort in the fact that the patient had a life well lived (or so we can imagine). But when the death is traumatic, it can leave a more significant mark on your soul. No matter what, anyone who has dealt with the routine deaths of patients will always have a few souls whose stories become the ones we tell others.
If you find that one death is becoming increasingly complex to let go of there are a few things you can do.
- Reach out for help. Your employer likely has an employee assistance program to help link you to a counselor in tough times.
- If you’re uncomfortable with talking to someone your employer is directly paying, you can find your own therapist. Ask your trusted colleagues if they have anyone they recommend. Finding someone who understands healthcare workers can also be helpful.
- Speak with your family physician. Medications are always options if you feel like this experience is becoming overwhelming. There is no shame in putting effort into your mental health and wellbeing.
Signs of PTSD
When I had my first pediatric death, the feelings were so much more intense than anything I had ever experienced in a patient death before. It took me a few days to reach out to my employee assistance program, and while it took a bit for the operator to understand what I was calling about, she could connect me to a counselor. My biggest fears were that I would develop PTSD and be unable to work. That fear of not being able to support my very young family, coupled with the recent patient death, had me spinning. The counselor was excellent and, if nothing else, listened as I cried and worried about my fear of PTSD. Once I could calm down, she told me about the things I should watch for.
- Repeating intrusive thoughts or images from the incident
- Frequent nightmares and an inability to sleep.
- Purposefully avoiding where everything happened. That included both the hospital and the room where it happened.
- Feeling as if I was removed from my reality.
She said these and other symptoms (including hyperarousal, hypervigilance, and excessive blame towards myself) must be watched for. If I was having symptoms for more than a week or two, check back in with her to be referred to more support systems.
Thankfully, after a week, the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts lessened, and I was able to sleep more regularly afterward. I wholeheartedly believe that my ability to overcome those feelings was directly related to looking for help early. If there is anything you take away from this, let it be that the sooner you reach out for help, the more likely you are to overcome those feelings. You are not alone, so please treat yourself as well as you treat your patients.
